I Will Always Choose You
by csruinedmylife
Summary: Emma has been with Killian for a year when she finds out Neal is alive. A decision must be made. One shot.


Emma felt the world around her spin. Her knees went weak and she was sure she could pass out at any moment. You would think that by now she would be used to receiving shocking news and know how to deal with it. Not quite.

Neal was alive.

He had found her.

He loved her.

And he wanted to be a family again.

She sat down on the bed she and Killian had started sharing a few months ago on the Jolly Roger. It had been 14 months since Neal had fallen through the portal. They had rescued Henry and escaped Neverland, only being able to travel back to the Enchanted Forest for now. Emma didn't feel comfortable living in a castle with Charming and Snow - she preferred the Jolly Roger, the ship she had started to call home. The last thing she ever expected was to run into Neal in the forest, alongside Mulan, Aurora and Phillip.

"Ah, you're back sooner than I expected!" Hook said as he walked into the cabin. He immediately noticed that she looked pale and troubled. "Is everything alright, love?"

"I... I ran into, uh, someone in the woods," she stuttered, still not completely believing the situation yet.

"Were you attacked?" He quickly ran over and leaned down to inspect her. Nothing appeared to be wrong.

"No, no, I'm fine," she shook her head.

Killian noticed her hands were shaking, "What's wrong, darling, why are you shaking?"

"Neal." Her voice trembled.

"Come again?" He responded, thinking he had misheard what she said. Because it would be impossible.

"Neal... He's alive," she finally brought her eyes up to meet his.

Killian felt all the air being sucked out of his lungs as his heart sank. Confusion, relief, regret; all hit him at once.

"How?" He didn't even mean to ask it, but it rolled off his tongue.

"After he landed here, Aurora, Mulan and Phillip found him and saved his life. They said it was a long way away, and they'd been traveling for months."

Hook knew he should be glad that Baelfire was alive. He knew this meant Henry didn't have to continue suffering the pain of losing a parent. He had grown to love that kid and wished nothing but the best for him. Alas, he couldn't help but suddenly feel selfish and wonder what this meant for his relationship with Emma. The long lost father of her child reappears in her life again, who was he compared to that? They were a family, and he was just a pirate who ruined Bae's life.

"That is good news indeed. Why do you seem so worried?" He tried to mask his doubts. Or maybe he was waiting for Emma to reassure him that he's the only one she'd ever want.

Killian Jones could not deny that he was a competitive and possessive man. Of course, Emma was no possession. He knew he did not deserve her love or affection, but now that he had it, he wasn't willing to give it up for anything. She was undoubtedly the best thing to happen to him in centuries, if not ever.

"Before he fell through the portal...I sort of... I told him... I loved him," she confessed, biting her lower lip, "And he's spent all this time trying to get back to me. And Henry."

Hook had known about Emma and Neal's past, and he could see it in her eyes every time she spoke of him that she still felt something. He never thought much of it, for he would always have a special place in his heart of Milah as well. But Milah had died in his arms, and he knew she would never come back. Neal being alive changed everything.

"What are you saying? Now that he's found you, you're going to be a family again?"

Suddenly all his fears and doubts seemed to be becoming reality.

"I...no... I don't..." she buried her face in her hands. She was so tired of always having to make decisions that affect the people around her. It was such a weight on her shoulders. Just when she thought everything was finally somewhat alright (apart from not being able to get back to Storybrooke), she's faced with another difficult decision.

"Emma, look at me."

Killian tried to hide the pain in his voice, but his voice cracking was giving it away.

She refused to look at him. "I don't want to do this. I don't want to choose."

The fact that she was even considering being with Neal... Killian couldn't bear the thought. After so many years, centuries, he had finally been truly happy. Content. He had found his home, his family. Even though he had never called himself, Emma and Henry a family, deep down they knew that's what they had become. He had risked his life to save Emma's son, and he would continue doing everything he could to keep them safe and provided for.

Emma knew this, and it was killing her inside. Killian had been so good to them for the past year. He had earned her trust and love. But to know that Neal had spent over a year looking for a way to get back to her... the guilt was slowly suffocating her. She felt the tiniest bit guilty for simply moving on with her life after his supposed death. He was the first man she ever loved. Trusted. Nothing could ever erase that. What if it was fate that brought them together, yet again? Seeing Neal again brought back all the feelings she had suppressed for so long. Knowing that he still wanted her back after letting her go so long ago... How can anyone say no to that? Aren't those what epic love stories are like, overcoming all odds and ending up together after everything?

"But you're still considering it," Killian said.

"Yes, okay, I am. He's Henry's father, I can't just tell him I've moved on and want nothing to do with him after he's spent a year looking for us!"

She was too exhausted to deny anything.

"So you'd leave me because you feel you _owe_ him? That him finding you again is fate?" He said with a bitterness in his voice. The thing he loved most in this world was slowly being ripped from him, and there was little to nothing he could do about it.

Damn this pirate and how he knew her sometimes better than she knew herself. Emma sat in silence, not being able to bring herself to respond. She only looked at him with a sadness in her eyes he had not yet seen.

"He said he'll be waiting in the forest for me when..._if_ I've decided."

The silence that followed was deafening. Emma could hear the heart pounding in her chest, as did Killian. Blood was rushing to his head, making him dizzy. He was not prepared for this. Neither of them were.

"Why do this to me now?" He said, as Emma recalled the last time he said those words, only this time they hurt her much. Perhaps because this time _he_ sounded much more hurt. And she knew this betrayal was nothing compared to one she'd committed after knowing him for but a few days.

Why do this to him now? After months of being happy together. Sure, they would get in heated arguments (maybe more than you would expect a "happy" couple to) and disagree on things but that's how they challenged each other. Emma brought a light to Killian's life, and he showed her a completely different way of living. No matter how alike they were, they understood each other in a way no one else did, and they just..._fit_. He hadn't done anything to deserve her treating him this way.

"I-I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm supposed to do here!" Emma exclaimed, running her hand over her face and through her hair.

"You're not _supposed_ to do anything!" He cried. "This isn't something you were destined or meant to do, it's _your_ decision! Do what feels right, not what you _think_ you're supposed to do."

Forgetting his fears and insecurities, he had decided to fight for what he loved. He knew what he had with Emma was true, and he wasn't going to let go that easy.

"The only reason I let myself feel anything for you was because I thought Neal was dead!" Emma said, immediately regretting the words that slipped out.

"And there it is..."

Deep down he always knew this was the case. He was aware that had Neal been alive, Emma would have probably been with him. Circumstances had brought him and Emma closer together. Killian always felt like he was somewhat cheating when it came to her. But that doesn't mean the connection and bond they had formed wasn't real.

Hearing Emma finally say it broke him. Fear, anger, pain, sorrow, love, hate. Is there a word for feeling conflicting feelings at the same time? He didn't care. He was feeling it anyway.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like tha-" she tried to explain before he cut her off.

"But that's what happened, isn't it? Now that your "true love" has returned you toss aside the pirate you've been seeking solace in?" His hurt was slowly turning to anger.

"No, of course not!" She said as tears filled her eyes, "You know it's not like that!"

He sighed in frustration. There was no use in yelling at each other. If this was to be their last conversation, he'd be damned if it ended on a sour note.

"Just answer me this," he said, looking her square in the eye, "Would you have pursued our relationship had you known he was alive?"

"That isn't fair..."

"_Life_ isn't fair, Emma!" He grabbed her hand in his, "I want you to want to be with me because you love me, not because you have no other choice."

Letting her hand go, he turned and faced the door. He didn't want her to see the pain in his eyes. Killian Jones was quickly falling apart and he didn't need to hurt his pride in addition to his heart.

"Killian, don't," she quickly ran to grab his arm and stop him from exiting.

"No, lass. This needs to be your decision. I shouldn't need to persuade you to stay. All I have to offer you is my love. It's up to you whether you accept it or not."

Emma felt the broken pieces of her heart shatter even more as she watched the man she loved walk out the door, leaving her to make her choice. He was right – it wasn't up to him to somehow talk her in to staying with him. She knew he loved her more than anything. The moment he walked out the door she knew, without a doubt, what her decision was.

Because it wasn't about who she could live with. It was about who she couldn't live without.

To hell with everything else. To hell with what she _should_ do. She always wanted a family, and in the past year Killian had become as much a part of it as Henry or her parents. Neal left her once, and somehow managed to be without her, surely he could do it again. She didn't have to be with him to have him a part of Henry's life. They would find a way to make this work. We choose our own destinies, right? The girl who had fallen in love with Neal Cassidy all those years ago was gone. This Emma Swan was so ardently in love with Killian Jones that she could feel a part of herself leaving with him when he walked out. She felt foolish for even thinking for a second she could be without him.

Snapping out of her daze, Emma ran after him. Given any choice, she'd pick him.

She would always choose him.


End file.
